I’ve been suffering from loneliness a lot lately. It’s not because the children are gone for the summer – it’s not a general loneliness. It’s a very specific type.
I miss having someone to love. I miss being loved. I miss not having someone to miss.
I miss having someone look at me so tenderly. I miss looking at someone and feeling my heartbeat accelerating. I miss having someone whose hand I can hold while out for walk. I miss laughing with someone about a funny shared memory. I miss bumping into someone while cooking dinner together. I miss cooking special meals for someone.
I miss sharing special occasions with someone. I miss enjoying the mistletoe and the candy hearts with someone. I miss cuddling in a tiny tent in the middle of nowhere. I miss road trips just to spend time together.
I miss being kissed. I miss curling myself against a broad, strong chest. I miss the feel of someones mouth on my neck. I miss the feel of skin on skin. I miss feeling attractive when I see myself in someone’s eyes. I miss the intimacy of snuggling close under the covers on a lazy Sunday morning.
I miss being able to tell someone anything. I miss knowing there’s someone who’s willing to hold me when I’ve had a hard day. I miss walking beside someone through life – through the good and the bad.
But, I don’t miss any of them badly enough to get into a bad relationship.
I don’t miss wondering if my trust is misplaced. I don’t miss wondering when will be the next time I will be abandoned. I don’t miss the lies and the drama. I don’t miss carrying the majority of the responsibility in the relationship. I don’t miss tolerating things which I never should have tolerated in the first place. I don’t miss the lack of communication. I don’t miss the selfishness or the cruelty. I don’t miss the bad manners or poor grammar. I don’t miss the lack of support on things I find important. I don’t miss the immaturity.
So, for today, I’m more than content being lonely. It beats the alternative.
At least until Prince Charming comes along,
Today, I may be lonely, but at least I’m lonely on my terms. I choose how I’m going to spend my minutes, hours, and days. I choose to be happy and there’s nobody around who can stop me. I choose to treat myself better than anyone could ever treat me. I choose to make my dreams come true and not let anyone stop me.
Yes, I may be missing my Special Someone, but I found myself along the way. And that’s worth so much more than some stupid boyfriend!
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