Missing

I’ve been suffering from loneliness a lot lately.  It’s not because the children are gone for the summer – it’s not a general loneliness.  It’s a very specific type.

I miss having someone to love.  I miss being loved.  I miss not having someone to miss.

I miss having someone look at me so tenderly.  I miss looking at someone and feeling my heartbeat accelerating.  I miss having someone whose hand I can hold while out for walk.  I miss laughing with someone about a funny shared memory.  I miss bumping into someone while cooking dinner together.  I miss cooking special meals for someone.

I miss sharing special occasions with someone.  I miss enjoying the mistletoe and the candy hearts with someone.  I miss cuddling in a tiny tent in the middle of nowhere.  I miss road trips just to spend time together.

I miss being kissed. I miss curling myself against a broad, strong chest.  I miss the feel of someones mouth on my neck.  I miss the feel of skin on skin.  I miss feeling attractive when I see myself in someone’s eyes.  I miss the intimacy of snuggling close under the covers on a lazy Sunday morning.

I miss being able to tell someone anything.  I miss knowing there’s someone who’s willing to hold me when I’ve had a hard day.  I miss walking beside someone through life – through the good and the bad.

But, I don’t miss any of them badly enough to get into a bad relationship.

I don’t miss wondering if my trust is misplaced.  I don’t miss wondering when will be the next time I will be abandoned.  I don’t miss the lies and the drama.  I don’t miss carrying the majority of the responsibility in the relationship.  I don’t miss tolerating things which I never should have tolerated in the first place.  I don’t miss the lack of communication.  I don’t miss the selfishness or the cruelty.  I don’t miss the bad manners or poor grammar.  I don’t miss the lack of support on things I find important.  I don’t miss the immaturity.

So, for today, I’m more than content being lonely.  It beats the alternative.

At least until Prince Charming comes along,

Today, I may be lonely, but at least I’m lonely on my terms.  I choose how I’m going to spend my minutes, hours, and days.  I choose to be happy and there’s nobody around who can stop me.  I choose to treat myself better than anyone could ever treat me.  I choose to make my dreams come true and not let anyone stop me.

Yes, I may be missing my Special Someone, but I found myself along the way.  And that’s worth so much more than some stupid boyfriend!

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