Tall, Dark, and … Rich

So, Mr. Mustang and I have done a lot of chatting, lately.  And I’ve broken my own rule.

I care.

I have yet to meet him, but I find myself thinking of him when we’re not chatting.  He’s one of my first thoughts in the morning, and if our schedules don’t match so I can’t say good night, I feel like I missed out on something.  I am anxiously looking forward to meeting him.

I’ve chatted with a number of men, all for varying times.  Sometimes, it’s no more than to say, “Hi.”  If a man contacts me, but I have no interest, I am always polite enough to at least respond to him.  Luckily, they usually understand that there is no interest if I say only, “Hi.”    Others, I speak to for a while before finding a fatal flaw which would keep us from working out.

I have yet to find anything which would make Mr. Mustang an automatic non-match.

There are lots of things which I do find attractive, though.  He’s tall (6’5″ – yum!)  He’s successful (he had a stable job with a great boss).  He’s funny, educated, smart, and he’s willing to be vulnerable with his emotions (shocking, I know!)  Last night, he even used an adverb when most people would have chosen an adjective.  Of course, I found that really hot!

Yesterday, I found out that he’s not just financially stable – he’s … quite comfortable.  I’m really embarrassed to say this, but that’s really attractive to me.  I’ve spent the majority of my adult life worrying about money.  Being unemployed, it’s an especially attractive quality.  Not that I expect him to pay my bills or anything – I don’t.  I’m realistic.  But, since my two long-term guys have both been unemployed for a lot of the time that I’ve known them, it’s nice to consider being with someone who’s gainfully employed.

And then I think – why would he be interested in me?  I’m fat, unemployed, and I have a son who lives with me (not a childless, single man’s dream).  I mean – what do I have to offer?

I haven’t been looking for a man for just that reason – I don’t think I’m a very good catch right now.  When I’m thin and wealthy, I could understand it, but now ….  I just wonder what he sees in me.

I’ve been too afraid to ask if he’s a chubby chaser.  He’s kind of hinted at it a couple of times, but I’m just too squeamish to ask.  If he is, would we work out?  I hope to reach a healthy weight at some point and stay there.  While my body seems to like being overweight and I love food, I would like to be thin, healthy, and feel sexy.  If he does like plump women, would he not be attracted to me if I were thin?

I’m also terrified to meet him.  What if, when he sees me, I am too fat for him.  He knows I’m fat, but does he know to what extent?  The last time I thought of being naked in front of a man, I cried.  I mean – who would want to disrobe just to be looked at with disgust?

He’s out of my league.  I should just call this off before I get hurt, right?

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3 Comments

  1. Don’t give up so easily and don’t beat yourself up over a thought that only exists in your mind. There might be more to this guy than you think, and you never know, he could genuinely like you for you.

    • Wow. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your comment. I’ve been fretting over this all day. Thank you for taking the time to comment!

      • No problem. It was a pleasure reading your post.

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