Temps Don’t Have Feelings

At least, that’s what I’m trying to convince myself that my co-worker believes.

I want to start by apologizing.  I know I said no more downer blogs, but I really just need to get this out.

I have previously blogged about the poor treatment I’m receiving as a temp (excluded from lunch to which everyone else was invited and ignored by many).

Yesterday, I received another slight.  A co-worker (or possibly the team lead – I’m not sure) went to lunch and returned with gifts for “everyone”.  She came back with “Dammit Dolls.”  They are basically two pieces of fabric loosely shaped in a human form with stuffing in it.  They are made with tough material and no details so they can take a beating.  When you’re angry/frustrated, you pick up the doll and whack it on your desk to release your aggression.

Anyway, she returned with her bag of gifts “for everyone.”  She sits right behind me – well within hearing distance (not that she tried to be quiet about it).  Anytime anyone walked by, she offered them their choice of doll.  Except me.  Another co-worker realized what was happening, and offered the use of her doll to me anytime I needed it.  I was touched that she was trying to ease the hurt which was doled out to me, but it really didn’t change the thoughtlessness of the other co-worker.

In all honesty, I wouldn’t want a dammit doll.  I don’t believe that physically taking out your aggression on a doll is a healthy outlet.  And they’re ugly.  It honestly has nothing to do with “sour grapes.”  Had she offered me one, I would have taken it, simply for the fact that I would have been touched that she had thought of me.  However, if she offers me one today, I wouldn’t take it simply for the fact that I don’t want to be an afterthought.  I would always wonder if she had bought it simply because my other co-worker had guilted her into it, and it wouldn’t mean anything to me that way.

This isn’t my first temp job.  It is, however, the first time I’ve ever been treated like this.  I’m trying to figure out what it is.  Do they believe I’m too stupid to understand what’s going on around me?  Too hard of hearing?  Do they believe I don’t have feelings because I’m a temp?

Or are they just thoughtless?

Whatever the reason, I’m thankful for it, in a way.  It is pushing me to find another job and to finish my book.  It will making leaving them much easier.

There are only two in that entire department who are kind to me.  I think I’ll send them my homemade Frangos when I leave.

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