Twarted by Mom?
My mother is one of my best friends. Sometimes, I wonder if that is the best thing for me.
Alright – here it is. Are you ready?
I’m bi-curious. I’ve dated women, but I’ve never ended up kissing any of them. So, as such, I don’t think I can actually call myself bi-sexual. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m full-on lesbian, but, having not been with a woman, I can’t really verify that.
My mother knows, and she DOES NOT approve. She figures that – if I’m bi, I might as well date a man, right? I suppose that makes sense, but I just feel like I would be limiting myself. I mean, what if my soul mate is a woman?
Here’s where it gets tricky: My mother is afraid that my highly Christian family won’t approve, either. I haven’t come out to them at my mother’s request. (Can you tell very few of my family members actually read my blog?)
And the plot thickens when I say that by me coming out, it would make the life of a loved one much easier.
Why is this all coming up now? Because I’m lonely. No, not just because my son isn’t home. I miss having someone to care about, someone to cuddle with at night, someone to make my heart flutter. I see movies where people fall in love and I want that. I see older couples who know and accept each other as is and I want to experience that. I hear love songs where someone is loved completely and I want to feel that.
And then I made a stupid move; I looked online. I have an account on a dating website. Right now, it’s set up for men to find me. Every once in a while, I do a search to see if there are any women in my area who interest me. I ran a quick check, and there is someone. A woman who seems like she would be a good fit. Unfortunately, I never make the first move and she can’t see me, so a connection isn’t possible.
Unless I step outside of my mother’s comfort box and created a profile to make myself available to women, as well.
And then I swing back to, “I’m too busy to date, anyway.”
I’ve been too busy for a very long time, now. It never seems to end. When do I put that excuse away and put myself out there?