Okay. I had one really great date, I got way ahead of myself (largely to do with him implying we would have a future), and I got my poow wittwe feewings huwt. And now it’s time for me to pick myself up by my bootstraps and move on.
Done. Done with dating, done with men. Lesbianism might be an option for the future, but not for today.
This morning, I’ve been sitting here, feeling sorry for myself, continuously checking my e-mail to see if… maybe he was busy. Or maybe he was doing that WaitThreeDaysBeforeYouCallHer thing. Or maybe… Maybe if I’d just put out, he would have called. His last words to me were that we should have done it. I wanted to. Why didn’t I? Of what was I afraid? Maybe I’d be in his arms right now, had I done what I really wanted to do.
Yah, right. If he was nearly as into me as he implied, he would have called. Jerk. Asshat. Douchbag. Loser. What probably would have happened, is I would have put out, thought it was the beginning of something really amazing, and then when he didn’t call, I’d feel used and stupid. At least this way, I can just feel lonely without the knowledge that I had let some prick use me and then throw me away.
I don’t need that. I don’t need the emotional roller coaster. I like my calm, drama-free life. So, I’m done with men until… who knows when. Men are stupid.
Maybe this was my Higher Power’s doing. Right now, I feel energized. Forget picking myself up by my bootstraps – I feel ready to take on the world. The handyman is coming to fix my house this week, so I’m going to spend today getting it all shiny for when he comes. I’ve been trying to keep up with chores, but have been failing miserably. As long as my house was messy, I didn’t feel I could justify working on my book. So, today I’m going to get my house in shape and then I’m going to get serious about my book.
My goal is to submit to 5 agents before Valentine’s day. Once they’re all in, I’m going to get back to my second manuscript and work on it every day so that when I do sign an agent, I can tell him/her all about my series and show him/her my second manuscript, as well.
Let’s do this!