No Time for Falling

I have a new FWB. My previous one has found “The One” (he found her and fell in love in three days, so I wonder how long it’s going to last) so he and I are now just friends. Oddly enough, he didn’t want to hear about my mind-blowing sex with my new FWB. Men are odd! I’m happy for him that he thinks he found his future bride, but he can’t be happy for me that I’ve found someone who meets my needs? Huh. Go figure.

But I digress. Back to Mr. Socks (he said he almost always wears socks! Yuck – who needs that?!) So, Mr. Socks. is pretty great – for a FWB. We talk throughout the day, supporting each other and flirting. And the sex is amazing! He’s the best I’ve had in over 12 years. By a lot. And that was just once! I can’t imagine how it’s going to be after we get to know each other a bit more.

I’ve done the FWB thing before and I’m good at it. I have some odd talent of being able to turn off the part of me that connects with men. So, I see them, I have a good time, and then I go home and everything’s great. No fuss, no muss. No emotions, no drama. It’s fun and easy.

I’m doing the FWB thing because my Higher Power told me I need to stop dating and focus on my writing. So, I figured FWB is a good compromise – I’m not lonely, but neither am I dedicating a ton of time to developing a long term relationship. It’s a win-win!

But, there might be a glitch in the system. Mr. Socks is pretty amazing. When I say that, I mean that for some reason that switch which turns off my emotions where men are concerned might be a bit faulty with him.

I care about him. There. I said it. I have cared about all of my FWB, but not like this. I want to talk to him – ALL THE TIME. I want to find ways to be with him. I want to share every detail of my day with him.

And it’s pissing me off! This is not who I am. I don’t have time for this. This isn’t the arrangement we have. This is ridiculous!

I have been thinking about it this morning (being all stupid-girly, damnit!) What if this is what my HP wanted for me? What if my HP knew the only way I’d let Mr. Socks in is if I did it this way? Mr. Socks isn’t physically my type. At all. My last BF was 6’5″, as is my FB. I have a thing for tall guys. I can’t imagine getting serious with anyone under 6’3″. Mr. Socks is shorter than I am. If I were honestly looking for a partner, I wouldn’t have looked at him twice. But, since it’s a casual thing, I have opened my door to him. And I found that he has an amazing aura – a great energy. He’s got a great personality that I enjoy. What if he is The One and my HP knew the only way I’d give him a chance to show me who he was, was if the threat of “forever” wasn’t there?

And then I bring myself back to reality. We both made it quite clear that we’re just here for fun. There is no future with us. We agreed to that. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Because, as I find myself caring more and more for him, I can see that it could end badly – for me. I wonder – do I end it with him before I get hurt? Or, do I ride the wave and see where it takes me?

With my luck, this story will be a tragedy, not a romantic comedy.

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