For weeks, I’ve been pining for Mr. Cuddles, aching because we weren’t to be together again, missing his arms around me, wishing I had him beside me as I ran errands. Every day I missed talking with him, and every night I missed him holding me. The company of other men temporarily distracted me, but in the solitude of my room, my longing for him returned.
Until last night. Mr. Camper changed that for me. Without meaning to, he stole the pain from my heart. He not only helped me temporarily forget about how much I missed Mr. Cuddles, he replaced my quiet-moment longings with excitement and hope. When I saw Mr. Cuddles’ picture on the dating website this morning, a cloud didn’t pass over my heart for the first time.
Now I just need to make sure Mr. Camper doesn’t crush me. The last time I felt like this, I fell in love far too quickly (with Mr. Wonderful). It was the first and only time I’ve ever been in love, but my love wasn’t returned. So, now I’m filled with excited jitters with a touch of fear. I don’t want my heart to be trampled again.
But, my HP wants me to find love, which means I have to be open to it. For the first time in my life, I am open to it, which terrifies me. The more open we are to love, the more susceptible we are to hurt. We all hate being hurt. Sometimes, I think I hate it more than most people. In the past, I’ve avoided falling in love just to avoid the pain of … whatever bad might happen. Now, I’m ready to accept of whatever comes my way.
**Holding my breath and jumping in**
- Posted in: Dating