One More Cry

Yesterday, as I was waiting to leave my house to meet Mr. Camper at the bowling alley, I received an unexpected e-mail. It nearly made me cry – not for myself, but for another.

I strive every day to be the best person I can be. I learned as a teenager that the definition of a “lady” is a woman who makes those around her more comfortable. That’s who I want to be. I surely never want to cause anyone pain.

When I first saw the unopened note from Mr. Cuddles, I had a moment of wavering. I had missed him for so long – was I supposed to be with him? Literally that moment, Mr. Camper texted me, reminding me of what my HP wants for me. I am supposed to be with him, despite the feelings I had for Mr. Cuddles. I don’t doubt that – especially after Mr. Camper’s timing (he was much earlier than expected, which confirms that he’s the one my HP wants me to be with) The timing couldn’t’ve been more perfect.

So, armed with the safety of knowing what path I’m supposed to be on, I opened the e-mail. It was honest and open. It was tender, caring, and vulnerable. And I nearly started crying for this man who had been so good to me. He still misses me and still wants me in his life. He only stayed away so long because I had previously told him that when it ends, I like a clean ending – no tearful good-bye, no questions or doubts. He stayed away to respect my feelings, despite the fact that he was hurting every bit as much as I was.

So, I sent a response which I hope reflected how I feel about him. He is the man who prepared me to love. He is the one who taught me that there are good men out there. He is the one who made me a person open to the possibility of Mr. Camper. It’s because of him that I am happy today. I told him how much I appreciate the gift he gave me and that I will always love him for that.

I only hope it gave him comfort. I can’t imagine it made him feel any better – the woman he wants is happy with another man. But, I hope in time he finds someone who will be an even better fit for him than I was. I hope someday that he understands how much what he did for me changed my life in a positive way. I hope he finds happiness.

I have to admit, I’m really glad he messaged me. I had been considering leaving him another note on his doorstep to thank him for what he did, but I didn’t know if he wanted to hear from me. Because he contacted me, I now feel like that chapter is finally closed.

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