Massive Changes

I’ve dated before.  I’ve had long term relationships.  Never has my life had to change so drastically because of a man.

I’m going to give up my home.  Sure, it’s a rental and I hate it, but it’s the only home I’ve ever had that was my own.  I lived with my parents, then I lived with my husband, and then I lived with my mother.  This is the first home I could ever say was mine.  I’ve taken great pride in the fact that I’ve pulled myself up by my bootstraps and created a home for my family.  Now, I have to walk away from my home and move into his home.

I’m going to move away from my family.  All of my family is within a 30 minute drive from where I live and soon they will all be within 20 minutes.  I love having my family close.  When I go to holiday gatherings, I can make it in 15 minutes (if there’s no traffic) which means the drive home is also 15 minutes.  While this may not seem like a big deal to some, it is of great importance to me.  My family is very important to me, I spend a lot of time with them, and I hate driving.  I’ve loved having my family so close.  And now I’m going to move over an hour away from them.

I’m going to give up my job.  I’ve had two great jobs in my life and I’m at one of them now.  The commute is awesome (5 minutes), the pay is way more than I’ve ever made before, the title looks good on my resume, and I enjoy my co-workers, bosses, and the work I do.  Due to logistics, keeping this job just isn’t feasible once I move.

I’m going to give up my stuff.  It sounds stupid, but again, I’ve taken great effort to have things which mean something to me.  I have a girlie bed (the first in my life) with pink and flowers and ruffles.  I understand no man wants to sleep in that every night, so I will have to go shopping for bedding with him so we can find a compromise.  Bye-bye girlie bedding.  Hello deep, rich, manly colors.  And a lot of my stuff will go into storage because his house just isn’t big enough for all of our stuff.

I’m going to lose my son.  Don’t worry – this isn’t as bad as it sounds.  A few years ago, my daughter moved out to live with her father, so she’s prepped me for losing my son.  Our children all move out at some point (hopefully).  Mine just choose to move out a bit earlier than some.  My son looked into the school he would be going to, if he were to make the move with me.  The school itself isn’t a great one and it doesn’t offer the programs he wants.  If he were to live with his father, the school there is better and it offers the programs he wants.  So, when I move in with my guy, my son will probably move in with his father.  I’m more okay with this than I thought I would be.  Maybe because of his sister paving the way, maybe because of the time I spend without him during the summers, maybe because I know it would be a good choice for him.  Obviously, I’d miss him, but if it’s what he wants and it’s better for his future, I will support him in it.

That’s a heck of a lot of massive changes in my life.  I’d be completely overhauling my world.  For a man.  Really???

Yah, really.  He and I have talked about it.  The most important thing is that I wouldn’t lose me.  I wouldn’t give up my writing.  I wouldn’t give up hiking with my mom and sister.  I wouldn’t give up the things which make me who I am, and that’s really all that matters.  The rest of it is just details.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I get to see my guy tonight.  I haven’t seen him since last Sunday morning.  Apparently, that’s just too long to go without seeing him because this morning I was almost in tears from missing him so much.  The idea of not living with him for 6 months almost makes it hard for me to breathe.  A part of me want to tell my son not to come home so I can just move in with my guy today.  I know my son would be taken care of and I would miss him, but being without My Love just makes me ache.  I would easily give up all of the things I’ve mentioned if I could just wake up next to my guy every morning for the rest of my life.

This sucks!  I just need to hold on to the fact that time really does fly.  Six months will pass before I know it.  I can do this!

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