Fight Fair

Last weekend, while my guy and I were camping, we did have a very unpleasant moment.  Actually, it was downright nasty.  A huge fight erupted, which entailed ugly name calling, cursing, and cruelty.

Thank heavens it was our neighbors and not us!

It was a really good reminder about fighting fair.  My guy and I have yet to have a fight.  We’ve broached some uncomfortable topics, feelings have been less than ideal, but we haven’t argued.  Since he and I are both very peaceful people, I’m hoping that we are one of those couples who never fight.  If we ever do fight, I hope it’s nothing like what we heard this last weekend.

Actually, I didn’t hear a whole lot of it.  My sweetheart covered my ears when he realized what was happening so I wouldn’t be disturbed by it.  He protected me and our peaceful weekend by his actions.

The next day, he told me about it.   Had I heard it, it would have brought back a lot of painful and scary memories of my past.  From his description, it sounded very similar to how I used to be treated by my husband.  He never learned to fight fair.  Actually, he broke all the rules to fighting fair, which means that nobody ever won.  He always felt like he did, and I always felt like I lost, but in the end he lost his family, so he really didn’t win anything.  There can never be one winner in an argument.  The only way there is any winner is if both people are happy – that is really the only true winning.

Fighting fair takes practice – especially if you’ve never done it or never seen it.  If you truly care about each other, be patient, be understanding, and be loving.  Post the rules if you need to.  Practice fighting fair each time.

After this weekend, I would clarify #2 on the list to: Don’t bring in anyone to back you up.  I would then add 2.1:  Don’t air your dirty laundry.  All that does it taint how others see your partner.  Instead of talking to others about your issues (which solves nothing) talk with your partner- in private.  Never embarrass your partner by fighting with him or her where others can hear.  That only damages both of you and your relationship.

Oh – and FYI – I didn’t write in #9.

fightfair

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