Today is my last full day in my current home. Tomorrow, I move into Mr. Camper’s house.
And I am filled with such a mixture of really intense feelings, it’s hard to sort through them all.
I’ve been single for a very long time now. Actually, I’ve been single for more of my adult life than I have been in a relationship. I was told that in order to be successful in a relationship, I first had to be okay as a single woman. I became very good at being single. I actually enjoyed it – no reporting in to anyone, no joint decision making, etc. I was in complete control of my life. I know a lot of single women hate their status, but I didn’t.
I am moving out of the only house I’ve ever been able to call my own. I moved from my father’s house to my then-husband’s house to my mothers house all before I got a place of my own. I had a great sense of pride that I got this place on my own (with two small children in tow) and took care of it on my own. I will be walking away from my home to my boyfriend’s.
I will be moving away from my family. I am really close to my family, geographically and emotionally. It will be hard on all of us for me to be over an hour away. Sure, they’re still just a phone call away, but it still feels like I’m moving to Timbuktu.
I’m worried about the move. It’s going to be complicated. He reserved a small truck, and I’m concerned it won’t all fit. Then again, it just might because we’re leaving 75% of the large furniture here. Since he’s already got a bed, entertainment center, etc. I don’t need to bring mine. I hope to sell all of the stuff we won’t be taking with us (another source of slight stress). So, after we load the moving truck, there’s still going to be a lot of stuff left here, with which I’ll have to deal on my own. And I’m kinda stressed about the cleaning of the house – I hope I am able to get it cleaned before the rental agency comes in for the inspection.
I’m hoping the move won’t vastly affect Christmas. I mean, obviously it has – I haven’t made any gifts – I’ve bought them all. But, I’m hoping that all of the gifts will be at hand, as well as the wrapping paper, so Christmas can be pulled off without a hitch.
I’m concerned about living with a man. I’ve only done that once before, and we all know what a monumental failure I was in that one. What if I get there and he realizes he can’t stand me? What if all of my imperfections really start grating on him and he kicks me out? What if I lose him because I’m not as great 24/7 as I am on weekend visits?
My son’s birthday is tomorrow. He is accustomed to not celebrating his birthday on the day of. When we were planning when to move, we double checked that he’s okay with moving on his birthday. He said he is, but we still want to do a little something to celebrate for him. We’re in the process of trying to plan a cake or something for his birthday and then we’ll have a party for him the next day (at a restaurant – not at our house, among the boxes). It’s his 16th birthday, and he was hoping to have a big party, but there just isn’t anyway to work it in with the move, so I’m feeling guilty about that.
And then I step away from my fears and negativity for a moment.
My guy is the most amazing man in the world, and he tells me how much he loves me all the time. He has seen my flaws and he loves me despite them. We are soul mates, meant to be. We just fit together. Plus, we both believe in communication (which I think will get us through anything.)
I’ve never been as happy as I’ve been since he’s been a part of my life. When he’s not around, I ache for him. Moving in with him means I won’t have to go through that anymore. When I was single, I never minded my nights alone in my bed. Now, I long to share his bed. Last night was my last night without him (he’s staying at my place tonight to get a jump on the move first thing tomorrow).
Actually, that’s not true. He will be away on business trips now and then, so this wasn’t my last night without him. It was my last night in this bed and my last night alone. He’s going to get me a puppy (I’ve never had a puppy before) so when he’s gone, I can have the puppy with me as I sleep. I’m very excited about the puppy!
And I get to start writing. He has a really great job so he can support me financially and does support me emotionally with my writing. He’s giving me the time, encouragement, and ability to spend my days working on a career which really matters to me. I’ve always said that if I were able to be a full-time writer, I’d become a recluse. He’s encouraging me to get out and do stuff, make friends, find joy outside of the home. He’s really the most amazing man for me!
While I have plenty of trepidation about this move, once all of the dust settles, it will be the most amazing new chapter of my life. I can’t wait to see what it brings!
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