Spitting Nails

This is what happens when I don’t blog regularly.  It all builds up until it comes crashing out in a really long post.  🙂

I am not a violent person.  I abhor violence of any kind on any level.  That being said, I am desperate to punch the man who wrote this article in the throat.

I wouldn’t really encourage anyone to read it, unless they need a good reason to get worked up.  Basically, what it says is that if a woman refuses her husband sex, she is committing a sexual sin against her husband and against God, that she is sexually immoral.  It further says that,

A wife cannot flatly refuse her husband, she may only ask for a delay (a raincheck) and then she needs to make good on that raincheck as soon as possible….A husband needs to use prayerful discernment to discover if her reasons for “not being in the mood” are for legitimate physical or mental health reasons or if the problem is wrong thinking and wrong attitude on the part of his wife. If her reasons are legitimate, then she needs to seek medical or psychological help as soon as possible.

Let me get this straight.  She’s a good Christian woman.  She has chosen to stay at home to raise their children.  For the last 4 days, at least one of their children has been vomiting every half hour, which she patiently cleans up.  She shows the children love and compassion, even has her husband’s dinner on the table when he comes home from work.  She is mentally and physically drained from everything she has been dealing with.  But, if her husband wants sex, she has to put out if he deems her reasons aren’t legitimate?  At that moment, she feels anything but sexy.  At that moment, all she wants to do is lie down and close her eyes.  The last thing she wants to do is service her husband, yet he has the religious right to demand it from her?  Who is the man who wrote this article, and from what century does he hail?

But wait!  It gets worse!

He then goes on to advise men to abuse their wives into submitting to their husbands.  Seriously!  In sequential steps!

Step 1: Rebuke her in private.

re·buke – To criticize (someone) sharply; reprimand.

Okay.  I get it.  This isn’t as shocking as it should be.  For those of you who don’t know, rebuking someone (especially your partner) is demeaning, non-productive, and destroys the soul.  I don’t know about you, but it doesn’t sound very Christ-like to me.  It’s also something my partner and I work very hard to not do.
Step 2: Rebuke her in public.
Done.  Right there.  If my partner ever chose to rebuke me in public, that would be the end of our relationship, no questions asked.  If anyone feels they have the right to criticize me in public, that person would never be allowed in my life again – married or not.  And I hope all of my readers are that strong and love themselves that much, as well.
Step 3: Bring her before the church.
That’s right.  Let’s air out all of our dirty laundry and humiliate her in front of those who are supposed to love and support her.  Does everyone have to supply their own stones, or will he be bringing enough for everyone?  Does she have the same right to say how he treats her?  How cruel he is?  How small he is?  How unsatisfying he is?  Or, is she the only one who will be shamed during this public display of cruelty?
Steps 4-6 are just plain stupid.  They tell the husband to stop being kind to his wife.  Stop spending fun time with her, stop upgrading the house, and stop doing the little extra things.  Yah, ’cause that will make her love you all that much more.  I know I feel extra aroused when the only time I’ve spent with my guy is serving him dinner and cleaning up after him – that gets me all fired up!  Honestly – how self-destructive and counter-productive can you be?
Step 7 really pissed me off.  Remove her funding.
This woman has given up her career to take care of this man’s family.  She has dedicated her life to him and their children.  She trusts him to treat her as Christ would – with love, compassion, and generosity.  Cutting her off financially is abuse.  Plain and simple.
Men – this man’s advice is absolutely not an acceptable way to treat the woman you chose to bear your children.  Women – if your husband treats you like that – RUN!!!  He is an abusive S.O.B. who doesn’t deserve to have you in his life.
I went to the “About Me” page related to the article, and the man was (very unsurprisingly) hiding behind anonymity.  He did, however, quote Christian Husbands – You don’t pay for the milk when you own the cow! in a way which made me think he had a part in creating it.  (You own the cow?!  Seriously?!  What a pig!)
I know, I know.  By posting this, I’m just getting his article out there more.  But, I also wanted you to be able to access it so you would know that I’m not just making up this inane … bullshit is really the only word I can use here.
I don’t think that man really understands Christianity at all.  Sure, I’m not Christian, and I don’t know a whole lot about it.  I do know, however, that Christ wanted his followers to “Love one another” and to “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.”  The advice this man is giving suggests that husbands walk all over their wives and mangle whatever biblical passage necessary so they can get a piece of ass, completely oblivious to the needs and feelings of their wives.
He also says that a man needs to follow those steps because it is the right thing to do – even if it leads to divorce.  What if the man loves his wife?  What if she is the best thing that has ever happened to him, other than the sex thing (which, by the way, if he treated her like he did when they were dating, he might get more!)  Isn’t divorce a sin?  Is it better to split up a family because the wife’s not putting out as much as the husband wants, than to work things out?
My only guess is that the man who wrote the article was first married to a woman who stood up for herself and he is now married to a victimized woman who has no self-worth, so he feels he can spew his filth, expecting others to buy it.  And the sad part is, there will be men out there who will cling to his word as gospel, even if it isn’t what God had intended, just so they can justify their abusive behavior.
Look – I can quote the Bible to support my views too!
Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4:2-3

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7

Oooo!  And then there’s this one!

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. … Romans 8:5-15

I think that one’s my favorite.  What does it say to me?  If you’re only worried about what’s going on with the selfish needs of your body (we’re not talking about food, water, and air, here) than it is comparable to death, but to be more worried about your spiritual needs is life and peace.  So, basically, that passage is saying that the article is preaching hostility toward God.

Am I saying sex is bad?  Of course not.  I was taught early on that I might not be in the mood, but to be open to become in the mood, should the possibility arise.  But, I was also taught that it is my body and I have the right to say “No,” just as my partner does, and each should be respected.  I will not be bullied into sex.

If you are being bullied into sex, you are being sexually abused and you need to seek professional help.

And for God’s sake – don’t listen to idiots like this!


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