Missing Limb

About a dozen years ago, a friend told me that her husband was like a part of her – like when he was gone, she was missing a part of her – like a limb or something.  She said that without him, she wasn’t complete.

That idea almost made me angry – why would someone allow themselves to not be a whole person by themselves?  I had worked hard for years to make myself into a whole, healthy person.  I worried for her – worried that she might never be a whole person because of this sick, intertwined relationship she had with her husband.

Don’t get me wrong – I was happy for her that she had someone in her life who made her so deliriously happy.  I was even a little jealous.  But, still worried.

This morning, Mr. C left on a business trip and he won’t be back until Friday evening.  He told me last week, and my first thought was that I would be lonely.  I mean, I am all alone over here.  My family and friends are all on the other side of the water.  I hated the idea of being all alone.  I feel safe in our home, but the only one here with me is the dog.  She’s great and all, but she can’t exactly talk back.

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After dropping Mr. C off at the ferry, I went shopping.  As I was parking the car, it hit me.  I ached as if a part of me were missing.  I instantly thought of my friend from all those years ago and I finally understood.  I am a whole person.  I am okay by myself, I can run a home on my own, and I can be happy when I’m alone.  Somehow, Mr. C… completes me (that particular phrase always used to torque me off, too, but now I get it.)  Just like a limb – I am quite attached to him, I love having him in my life, but I would still be a whole person without him.  Somehow, I’m… more myself with him around.

At first, I thought I was just some kind of co-depended, but then he explained it to me.  We’re soulmates, so it makes sense that we prefer to be together rather than apart.  I like that I understand it, but that doesn’t make this solo week any easier.

I was thinking how much I already missed him (even though he had just barely left) when I walked into the house.  I remembered that he had asked me to turn off his office desk light, so I made my way that direction.  When I got close to the desk, I saw the loving note he had left for on his desk for me.  He had left the light on specifically so I would find his note.

It feels so good to love and to be loved!  Now if my missing part would just hurry up and come home.

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