I have a friend who got married last December. People keep posting pictures of her wedding day.
A part of me is jealous. Isn’t that silly?
I mean, I’m the one who has said I don’t want to get married. Been there, done that, burned the T-shirt in the marriage pyre. I had such a bad marriage that I don’t even want to go there again. Besides, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? There really is no reason for us to marry. We love each other, we are committed to each other, and we plan on staying together in this life and the next. A piece of paper doesn’t change that.
And then I see my friend’s wedding pictures and I get jealous. My first reaction is as childish as I can possibly be. But – I met Mr. C FIRST! He and I should have married before my friend and her wife! We love each other just as much as they do! We knew we were meant to be right away. It’s not fair!
Um… seriously? Sheesh! *rolling my eyes at myself*
And then I see how happy they are together. Their beautiful smiles as they look at each other with forever in front of them. I will never have that moment – that moment of pure joy with family and friends looking on. I will never have that day to celebrate our love in front of everyone so they know how serious we are – officially. A part of me is sad that we won’t have that day.
And I see their beautiful wedding dresses. They both look so radiant. I will never have that, either. For my first wedding, I bought a $20 white lace dress at JCPenneys. I will never have a day to be the most looked at woman, wearing a glamorous dress, my make-up and hair perfect. I will never see him standing beside me in a tux, looking handsome and in love.
I’m also jealous of their pictures. Mr. C and I take pictures all the time. We take selfies, we take photo booth pics, and we have others take pictures of us. Someday, we might even go to a photo studio for a session there. There is no shortage of pictures of us. But, we will never have wedding photos. We will never have that photographic proof of the day we dedicated ourselves to each other. We will never have pictures of our family and friends sharing that day with us.
And then I remember – none of it matters. The only thing that matters is that I have found my soul mate. I have the life I want. Our families know that we make each other happy and that we plan on spending our lives together. For my birthday last year, he bought me a dress in which I feel really pretty. The pictures we take are just as meaningful as those taken by a stranger who doesn’t know us but would pose us for artistic reasons.
All that matters is who we are together and how we make each other feel. The rest of it is just silly things society has told me I want. What I really want – the thing which I want the most – is him. He’s all I need. He’s all I’ll ever need.
- Posted in: Uncategorized