Newly Engaged

No, Sillyhead.  Not me.

For those of you who have been with me for a while, you probably remember my phase where I went through a number of FWB.  Three of them in particular actually had a really good grasp of the “friends” part of that.  I later found out that one of them wanted more from me, but that’s another story altogether.

Another one was Mr. Socks.  Remember him?  He was really great!  He texted me during work days – we kept each other company and entertained.  We were actually friends.  It was really nice.

And then my HP told me I needed to move out of that stage of my life and into the next one (preparing me for Mr. C).  When I told Mr. Socks, he gallantly volunteered to make sure all of my **needs** were met while I looked for Mr. Right.  Wasn’t that nice of him?  I never took him up on it, but we did remain friends.

At first, it was a problem.  Mr. C didn’t understand the relationship I had with Mr. Socks.  There had never been a romantic connection – just friendship and sex.  He posed absolutely no threat to my relationship with Mr. C.

However, understanding how Mr. C felt about it, my friendship with Mr. Socks did take a backseat.  Well, actually, we didn’t really talk much after that.  We stalked each other on FB just to keep tabs on how the other was doing, but not much beyond that.

While my relationship with Mr. C was budding, Mr. Socks found Miss E.  We did chat a little at the beginning of that relationship.  I’d like to think I was instrumental in their success (at least a tiny bit).  I suggested that he give it a chance and just go with it when he felt unsure and uneasy.

This morning, I found out (via Facebook) that Mr. Socks proposed to Miss E.  Her daughter actually posted the video of the proposal.  It was so sweet, so heartfelt, so very him.  I’m so very happy for them both!

And yet, I’m feeling something.  Actually, I’m feeling a whole lot of somethings.  And I’m trying to sort through them all.  (Thank heavens jealousy isn’t one of them!)

The little girl in me, the one who never got her dream wedding, is a bit envious.  I mean, during my wedding vows, my groom didn’t even look at me.  Seriously.  So, not only did I have some backyard, shotgun wedding, but my partner didn’t seem to want to be there.  Nice.

I feel like I’m failing.  This is the second couple I know that got together after Mr. C and I got together who will be married before Mr. C and I.  Granted, I don’t want to be married, but somehow my feelings don’t take that into consideration.  It still feels like those other couples are doing so much better than we are because they’re matrimony-bound and we’re not.

Facebook doesn’t help with that struggle.  I’m sure they have their arguments and all, but (like all of us) they don’t air their dirty laundry on FB.  On social media, they seem like the perfect couples.  But, then I think about how Mr. C and I must appear online, and it makes me feel a little better.

I’m feeling guilty.  Mr. C has never been married, and I think he might want to, someday.  The thing is – I’ve tried the whole wife-thing and I SUCKED at it!  I wouldn’t wish my wife skills on anyone.  So, I’m fairly opposed to ever going through that again.

And then I start to doubt myself.  I mean, I’m a different person now than I was 15 years ago.  Maybe I’d be a better wife this time around.  I’d have a different partner, so it might be easier to be a better wife.



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