Less Than Ideal
A friend of mine posted this on Facebook this morning, and I found it moving. I tried doing a search to give credit where it was due, but came up with nothing. So, to whomever wrote this – Thank you. I think it’s important we all think about this.
To all the moms who experienced heartbreak and disappointment yesterday (and judging by Facebook posts this morning, there are a lot of you), you aren’t alone…
For all of my friends who had a shitty day yesterday: I’m sorry. I’m sorry if the one thing you asked for wasn’t brought home or wasn’t done. I’m sorry if you still didn’t get to sleep in. I’m sorry if it was business as usual. I’m sorry if you didn’t get a break from the cooking, the dishes, the laundry, the diapers, or the kids. I’m sorry if you saw other children or spouses celebrate and honor their mothers and wives but you heard no trace of appreciation yourself.
I’m sorry if you were reminded once again that your mother isn’t a person you want in your life, or she doesn’t want you in hers. I’m sorry if that relationship is crumbling and you don’t know how to fix it. I’m sorry if she is gone and you miss her. I’m sorry if the last words were filled with anger. I’m sorry if you won’t ever get to say you’re sorry, or you’re forgiven. I’m sorry if people don’t get why you don’t want her around, and pressure you to forgive without trying to understand why you won’t. Or can’t.
I’m sorry if today was a reminder that nothing will ever change. I’m sorry if on one of only two days in a year that are all about you, it still wasn’t about you at all. I’m sorry if some asshole told you that you have nothing to complain about.
I’m sorry if your heart aches for a baby that never was, for a baby that is but isn’t around, for a baby that was but is no more. I’m sorry if this is one more year of no positive pregnancy tests. I’m sorry if this was the year you were supposed to be a mom, or a mom again, but a loss happened instead. I’m sorry if instead of having a birthday party, you had a burial. I’m sorry if you know this will never happen for you.
I’m sorry if people think you have to be a mother to be a complete woman. You don’t, and you are perfectly awesome as a childfree person.
I’m sorry if your partner’s child or children don’t recognize you on this day, and only recognize their birth mother.
Your day should have been better. You deserve to be acknowledged. You deserve some grand gesture of appreciation, at least a small gesture. A dollar store card even.
You are allowed to complain, to whine, to be angry and to cry. You are allowed to be upset when yet another friend announces a pregnancy. You are allowed to be sad over all the happy posts.
You are needed, you are valued, you are amazing, and you are allowed to have moments or days of selfishness. You may have signed up for this, you may have not, but you still might need a break and that’s okay.
Happy you day, wherever you are in the journey of life.
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