Living a Nightmare

I had a nightmare a few nights ago.  You know me – normally I laugh about them, write them down, and then move on.

The one from the other night lingers.

When you look at it at face value, it doesn’t seem like much of a nightmare.  Actually, it kinda seems like a dream come true.

I was in this beach cabin, relaxing for an unknown period of time with my best friend.  Quite the nightmare, huh?

But then you get into the details.

We were trapped.  Not physically, but the owner of the cabin somehow had us in a trance so we were quite zombie-esque.  We didn’t realize it was always twilight. We didn’t realize how long we had been there.  We didn’t realize we were being held captive.  We just… existed.

And our husbands weren’t there (another thing of which we weren’t aware.)  When I finally started to “come to” I realized that the men who were supposed to love us forever weren’t anywhere to be found.  How long had they been gone?  Had they escaped?  Did they mean to leave us?

How was she keeping us in this trance?  I had to figure it out so that we could escape.  I had to figure it out…

And then I woke.  So frustrating!  I hate waking before I can save myself!

As the dream fades (ever so slightly) from my memory, I’ve had time to ponder it.

Is this my life?  I’m just kind of… existing?  I’m not really living?

What would make my life more worth-while?  Obviously, being able to support myself with my writing would be a game changer.  Maybe finding the love of my life?  Maybe … volunteering?  Or finding a new hobby?  Or… ?

Honestly, right now, I do kinda feel like I’m waiting for my life to start.  It really sucks!  I seriously hate simply existing.  I want more.

And then I think about all of the time that I wasted while I lived with my ex.  I was home full-time!  I could have finished at least one book!  I could be published by now!

I’m so kicking myself!

Maybe the hike tomorrow will help me feel better.  Here’s hoping!

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