Cry for Help

With all of the very public suicides in the media right now, I’ve been more aware of it.

That being said, I just peeked in on a … friend?  If they unfriend you on Facebook, but you still care about them, are you allowed to call them a friend?  Anyway, I wanted to see how she was doing.  I know she’s been having a really tough time, lately.  There were some issues with her meds, she lost the love of her life, and she became homeless.  So, similar to what I’ve been through in the last few months, but she was far worse off than me, due to the medication issues (counting my blessings!)

She had reached out to me during that time, in my mind asking me to choose between her and her now ex, but I wasn’t sure I was remembering it correctly (going through my own turmoil at the time).  This morning, I went back through to see how the conversation had actually gone.  She had mentioned something about only being her friend because of her ex.  I reassured her that I had no plans to take sides, but that I loved her for who she was and hoped that she found the help she needed.  She decided to hurl some accusations at me, as well as a little bit of self-pity.   I knew that I didn’t have the training or the knowledge to help her and that a professional would be much better for her.  I suggested that she reach out to me again when she was feeling better, and let her know that I loved her very much.

I didn’t want to cut ties, but neither did I know how to handle what it was she was going through.  She wasn’t being her normal self.  It was obvious that something was seriously wrong with her, and I simply didn’t know the right thing to say or do for her.  At the same time, I knew that I had to take care of myself (going through my own horrible crisis at the time).  In order to keep myself afloat, I knew it was important for me to not allow her to drag me down with her.

As I was cruising through her posts this morning, she mentioned that she had sent out SOSes.  Is that what she had sent me?  An SOS?  If so, did I completely blow it?  How would I have felt if she had done something awful to herself after I failed to save her sinking ship?

In high school, a peer hanged himself.  Shortly before doing so, he had reached out to a classmate, but she blew him off, not knowing how much he needed her.  I wonder if that memory still haunts her.

I don’t want to be that person.  I want to be able to recognize when someone is truly in need of my company, my comforting, my compassion.

And I want to know what it is I need to give them, how I can help them, what it is that they need most.

Right now, I feel completely useless.  If someone were to call me in need, would I recognize it?  Would I be able to help them?   Probably not.

I’m going to have to look into what someone can do in situations like this.  Not that I’m wishing this kind of devastation on any of my loved ones, but I would like to be prepared.

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